There's something to be said for romantic dinners with a paramour, or catching up with close friends over a round of drinks. But then, there is also something to be said for posse-ing up Magnificent Seven-style and painting the town crimson with a gang of like-minded knuckleheads. So gather your knuckleheads, preemptively apologize to your loved ones and put scotch whiskey and red meat on notice: it's time for a guys' night out in Jerusalem.
Burgers, steaks, and other masculine pursuits
Just like mom always said, you should never go drinking on an empty stomach. A full belly will keep you reasonably coherent fairly deep into your cups – and since this is guys' night out, after all, you get to eat whatever you want, no matter what percentage of it happens to be deep-fried. Head to Black Bar 'n' Burger for enormous and appealingly creative burgers (pictured) and bar food, or tuck into no-nonsense South American steaks at El Gaucho.
Catching the game
Jerusalem isn't home to any sports bars in the North American sense, but that doesn't mean there aren't bars in which you can catch the game (of course, in Jerusalem "the game" tends to be soccer or basketball). Tuvya, HaTaklit and Stardust are all cozy, comfortable locals' bars where you can sample dozens of single malts while watching the match. And if you're looking to catch the latest in the NFL, NHL or NBA, The Lion's Den (pictured) is entirely devoted to America's favorite ballgames.
Local sounds
Here you have a choice: Should you desire the traditional soundtrack to the Western world's guys' night out, head over to the newly reopened Mike's Place, which often opens its stage to bluesy hard rock bands pretty much like the bar blues lifers back in the States. If you're shooting for a veneer of Rat Pack cool, head up the midrachov (the Ben Yehuda pedestrian mall) to Birman (pictured), whose docket of performers leans toward jazz on most nights. Or if you want to plunge yourself into what the young people are listening to, squeeze onto the tiny dance floor at Sira for everything from dub to punk, or head to Uganda for painfully cool electronica and minimalism. And don't worry: no matter where you end up going, there will be a full bar.
Shoot 'em with the bop gun
But what if the fellows are suddenly possessed by a desire to encounter the pretty young things of Jerusalem on the dance floor? Again, there are choices. If you want to stay downtown and rub hips with the cool girls, look no further than HaTza'atzua (pictured), a toy store-turned-dance bar right off Jaffa Road. If you're looking for clubbing in an unforgettable location, take the crew to Shakuf, which boasts 360-degree glassed-in views of the city. But if you seek the gelled, frosted, gold-chained and possibly shirtless brand of club hinjinks (there is a time and a place for everything), you'll have to cab it to Talpiot, home of industrial-sized mega Eurodiscos like Gag.
Tying one on
Suppose, though, that your true goal for the evening is simply to ascend the rigging and turn all three sheets to the wind, Jerusalem-style. Admirable, and possible: hop aboard a stool at Glasgow Public House, a plaid-tinted affair that may be as close as Jerusalem gets a proper UK pub (which is to say not very, but we take what we can get), and revel in some delicious and rarely-seen beers on tap, as well as killer bar food. Shlomtzion HaMalka Street's Glen Bar boasts such delights as cask-strength Laphroaig and a creative menu of house cocktails. And that tasty beer, of course (even the mayor, pictured, enjoys a good brew).
Soak it up
At some point the boys will get hungry again, and while everyone may well be perfectly happy with a dirty water hot dog from the dubious vendors who pop up at 3 AM in the nightlife districts, you can do a little better. Grab an outdoor table at the 24-hour cafe/bar Bolinat and continue – or begin winding down – the party with a restorative coffee, plenty of water, and whatever else you think will forestall suffering the next morning.
For guys' night out, a note on Israeli girls
They're tough as nails and can probably beat you up. Comport yourselves as gentlemen in their presence, for your own sake!
